Why is it that some couples have an immense love for each other and others… well… honestly… make staring at a wall look like better option…?

Why is it that when we feel we are doing our best with a relationship—we still can’t get them to work?

These are questions that have always fascinated me… and after years of strain, struggle, and pain I finally found answers. These may not be the answers everyone likes. However, stick with me with a open mind and heart… you’ll see plenty of truth.

The answer to how to have a romantic relationship lies in ourselves and not our partners.

I know it’s not exactly comforting (and counter-intuitive—A relationship takes two after-all!) that if something goes wrong you can not blame the others insecurity or “jerk-ness” for the fail of the relationship—but it’s true, it all leads back to you! Whether it be choosing to get into a relationship with a genuine jerk or not meeting that jerks needs so he/she ends up being a little nicer, like when you first met.

(Side note: NO ONE who has all their needs met in a relationship wants to leave. Of course some people make it difficult to have their needs met, but if they’re at least a little bit sensible, they should lighten up with some communication. If they’re not kick em to the curb!)

There are so many factors outside of our control it’s ridiculous. The only thing you have complete control of is the way you react to things. So treat it that way. You can not expect anything from your partner. All you can do is give and hope they give back.

You can’t expect them to change, nor can you tell them to change, nor should you try and get them to change.

Let go of the need to control, manipulate, or change your significant other and instead give your all. Give love until you have nothing to give. Give appreciation, positive feedback, gratitude (because let’s face it wherever you are, no matter how bad you have it—someone has it worse,) and pleasantness.

If you just give your all, no matter what the other person feels, all day every day I guarantee you’ll see a transformation in your relationship like never before. Take 90 days and give it your all like this couple did.

If you have a relationship of unconditional love and passion, all the “small annoyances” just disappear!

(Side note: If your a guy or girl, understand masculine and feminine polarities. Watch these videos.

Understanding the psychology of the of the opposite sex is a necessity.)

There is a something interesting I have noticed—not many will catch this. Having a romantic relationship is just as much work away from the couple as it is with them. 

Is that to say your always thinking about them day in and out? Of course not! I think that would be more detrimental to your mental health than anything.

You need a life outside of them. You need to have something that drives you.

You need to have passion for life.

You need to find ways to give back.

You need an unbelievable fire in your belly for something greater than yourself.

You shouldn’t need the relationship to survive. You need greater purposes and a wonderful life outside of your partner.

Take a second to ponder right now: 

If you can do anything, what would it be? More importantly, WHY?

Ask anyone, “What is the sexiest thing about a man or woman when you meet them?” They may say:

A smile.

A passion for life.

Someone who has a strong self-image and self-worth. They know why they are here.

A relationship is just icing on the cake.

That being said is there a time we need to realize the best decision is to leave?

I’m not saying that relationships are 100% only about you and what you do on your side—I’m just saying it’s all YOU can do, so give it your all. Regardless of the others initial participation: You’ll never know if you never make a 100% commitment to making the relationship work.

Not just TRY, REALLY COMMIT! Love like you have never loved before and give like you have never given before fully expecting nothing in return.

Only then you’ll know.

Hope this helped,

Brandon Breaker

If you enjoyed this post be sure to check out our free online guide to obtaining your perfect relationship as well.